Confidence, Dedication – Gut Check

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2018-04-17 06.29.24

Hitting the Books:
Mystical Manga (left) – King of Wands: Find a good cause to give your energy and abilities to. The authority, skill, and experience are there, not being able to apply them can lead to frustration

Wild Wood (middle) – Eight of Stones: There is an ability to utilize skill to complete labors of practical need as well as love. Sometimes intense concentration and dedication are required.

Shadowscapes (right) – Five of Pentacles: Oblivious to your strengths – both spiritual and physical. A sense of solitude that is only true because you’re not seeing the souls and companions that surround you.

Gut Check:
Mystical Manga: For me at this point in my life, I feel like this is less a card telling to go find something to do and more a card assuring me that doing something is good. I might not be devoting time to some cause higher than myself, but I am focusing my energy on the things I enjoy, and through that maybe there will be someone else (or some someone else’s) that I impact positively from that.

Wild Wood: “Sometimes intense concentration and dedication are required.” Alas, I know this well, and I struggle with it, because when I’m focusing on my art I feel like I’m neglecting my friends. It’s not the case, not even remotely, but it is the concern I buck against constantly. I’ll not improve without dedication and focus, and there are skills I want to improve in. My friends know this, and the sacrifice of time required to obtain my goals is one I’m sure I can be forgive for.

Shadowscapes: This one gives me pause. It cuts to the wick. I don’t like moments like these – which might be a bit weird for someone actively pursuing becoming a Seer to say – but it reminds me of a book a good friend bought for me years ago. The horoscope directed at me was so on point it pissed me off. I was angry at being that well understood. In a world where I was only tolerated (yay anxiety, depression and imposter syndrome – a delightful brain mix) here I was accepted by a Book of all things.

That book like this card slips between the open parts of my soul and demands to be heard. This is no Major Arcana – no overarching message from a Celtic Cross Spread – but this one tiny voice will not be silenced. You are not nearly as alone as you feel, it shouts defiantly. Do not let this false belief hold you back.

Ménage à Maybe:
The message is painfully clear this morning: Don’t just sit there, do something – as a matter of fact you already know what that something IS, because it is your passion – And don’t let your own self-loathing hold you in place.

The King of Wands steps forth with surety and confidence, the Eight of Stones places a warm hand on my shoulder and supports me, the Five of Pentacles sits before me in her self-believed solitude – It’s a smack in the face to see myself turned back on me so starkly. There’s a significant difference between the quiet moments of stillness that help center someone and the dark heavy air of solitude. I’ve no issue with being completely alone – I unfortunately manage it better than most humans – but the fine line between pleasant solitude and the pitch black of despair is desperately thin.

It’s important to remain on the healthy side of it. I’m not alone, I have this, it’s a good day.

Y’all Come Back Now:
Today was a good day. It wasn’t an easy day, it wasn’t a smooth day, but it was a good day – because at the end of it I am 100% assured that I am not alone. ❤

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